Men have long bemoaned the idea that women can have multiple orgasms, but men can’t. Men, after all, have to deal with the frustrating refractory period—after an orgasm, their penises stay limp no matter how much they try to coax them into action. Their energy levels are depleted, anyway, and they often just want to sleep.
But men actually can have multiple orgasms—as long as they separate their orgasm from the physiological experience of ejaculation. Here’s how to learn how to orgasm without ejaculation.
Orgasm and ejaculation often occur in tandem for men, which leads a lot of men to thinking they’re the same process. But they’re not. It is possible to separate the experience of orgasm from the experience of ejaculating.
Learning how to separate orgasm from ejaculation takes a lot of effort, determination, time, and practice. It’s not something you’re going to learn overnight. For some men, it may not be worth it. You may also find that focusing so heavily on trying to orgasm in a very specific way takes the fun out of orgasm. But fortunately, many of the techniques you need to use to learn how to have an orgasm separate from ejaculation are techniques that are beneficial in and of themselves.
Your PC muscles need to be in good condition to help you separate orgasm from ejaculation. Your PC muscles are one of the primary ways you’ll control your orgasm. If you’ve never exercised your PC muscles before, the first step is finding them. The next time you’re urinating, try to cut off your flow of urine before your bladder is empty. The muscles you’ll need to use to do that are your PC muscles. It will feel like a vague “pulling up” feeling.
The basis of a PC exercise is squeezing, releasing, and gently bearing down on those muscles. You want to make sure you’re not flexing your ab, butt or thigh muscles. Just the PC muscles.
Your breath plays a surprisingly big role in your orgasm. When you get closer to orgasm (or when you’re filled with anxiety that you’re going to orgasm too quickly), you start breathing shallowly and rapidly. This breath can actually push you over the edge into orgasm.
The trick to separating orgasm from ejaculation is to use your PC muscles to stop yourself from ejaculation right when you’re on the brink. As you masturbate, when you feel yourself getting close to orgasm, stop touching your penis and squeeze hard on your PC muscles. Try to hold for about 10 seconds. Then resume touching yourself. Practice getting yourself closer and closer to the point of no return.
The next step to developing more control over your orgasms is to increase the amount of time you masturbate for. If you’ve ever read one of my articles about male masturbation, you’ve heard me say that you should aim to create the same patterns in your masturbation as you want to have in your partnered sex life. If your masturbation sessions are two minutes tops, you’re going to have a hard time lasting much longer than that during partnered sex.
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